Sometimes the writing is on the wall: you are getting divorced. However, for many couples, divorce brings about a horrible and surprising dose of reality. Every couple is different, and many couples end their marriages for distinct reasons. Still, there are ways that you can tell that your marriage is on the rocks. Here are ten signs that your divorce or separation is imminent.
- Not speaking with each other. You might find that you are not communicating with your spouse as much – or not at all. It does not matter who brought on the silent treatment or for what reason. The focus here is that not communicating with your spouse is a recipe for disaster. Lack of communication means lack of resolutions to underlying problems. A quiet spouse might be one who does not see a path forward. A spouse who refrains from speaking might be one who does not see a path forward. A quiet spouse might not want to make the other spouse feel guilty. He/She might not want to make the other spouse take the initiative towards resolving problems.
- Being extra hostile. If you are often combative or defensive with your spouse, then this shows that you disagree with your spouse’s views. As opposed to normal arguments, you might find yourself always feeling the need to be disagreeable with your spouse. Your spouse may challenge you all the time where you always feel the need to defend yourself. Whether it is one or both of you, an ongoing disagreeable mindset can be a sign of a problem marriage.
- No sex. While self-explanatory, lack of sex could be inadvertent or intentional. One spouse might view sex as lacking when it is not. Maybe there is a misalignment of each spouse’s sex drive. In more concerning situations, one spouse does not find the other spouse sexually attractive or does not find value in sex altogether. Irrespective of the cause, if either you or your spouse are not making any effort for physical intimacy, then this could cause one or both of you to pursue other avenues (e.g., infidelity, porn) to resolve the issue, which brings on its own set of problems.
- Devaluing each other. No one wants to be berated, belittled, or spoken of with disdain or contempt. When one spouse treats the other as less of a person, then this says that the offending spouse finds themselves to be the more valuable, dominant spouse in the marriage. Not appreciating or respecting your spouse’s needs and interests can also suggest that you do not find the other spouse to be worth your efforts or consideration. This raises significant questions about commitment and loyalty.
- Incessantly picking on each other. One might consider a spouse who often voices criticisms towards the other spouse to be aggressive and overly judgmental. Each spouse’s support of the other is the foundation of a marriage. Being critical and disagreeable with your spouse naturally precludes you from taking your spouse’s side. As a result, it precludes them from taking your side unless they are submissive. Moreover, a spouse who is sharply criticized might be humiliated and have thoughts that linger, making resolutions to arguments take longer to occur.
- Thinking about someone else. A spouse might envision being with someone else. It could be someone with whom they had a past fling. Maybe it is someone who has qualities that the other spouse might not have. It could be someone who treats the spouse better than the other spouse does. In either event, a spouse who is constantly thinking about what it would be like to be with someone else might genuinely want to be with that person instead of their spouse. This could be a sign of a divorce if not for infidelity.
- Abnormally choosing social media over the spouse. Some spouses might use social media to take the place of time otherwise spent with their spouse. While to some extent this is normal, if you spend an excessive amount of time on social media, then this raises questions about whether you value spending any reasonable amount of time with your spouse. If a spouse is flirting with others on social media, this is a major red flag of potential infidelity.
- Ongoing drug or alcohol problems. While everyone is entitled to a fresh start in life from addiction, some who struggle with addiction and have no intentions of resolving their situation might pose a serious threat to their health and others including their spouse and children. In some situations, a spouse who might be having marital problems chooses to self-medicate with drugs or alcohol where things could spiral out of control. If you or the other spouse are having problems with drugs or alcohol, seeking treatment can really turn things around. However, if the will to turn things around is not there, then the marriage could be on the line.
- Not accepting help from others. Trained professionals such as therapists, counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, and the like can resolve serious turbulence in some marriages. For example, marriage counseling might resolve the issues between you and your spouse. Maybe it will not. However, the failure of a spouse to even consider a helping hand is a sign of a stubborn spouse who does not value the professional opinions of others and who will not change to save the marriage.
- Money. Although money does not necessarily buy happiness, the lack of it can surely lead to a sad situation for a couple. For example, without money to pay the family bills, you and your spouse might be headed for bankruptcy which damages your credit for years. These days, it is commonplace for both spouses to work when able. If a spouse is not making a good faith effort to contribute financially to the relationship, or they are wasteful or financially imprudent, then this may be disastrous for the marriage.
Naidu Law is a premier family law firm who has helped countless Oklahomans from all walks of life with matters including divorce, child custody, child support and much more. Backed by more than four decades of experience, Naidu Law has been recognized as one of the best divorce law firms in Oklahoma. Reach out to the knowledgeable attorneys at Naidu Law by calling (405) 792-2400 or by contacting us online.